How did I get here?

A short tale of self-realization

This weekend, while I was out running errands, I went to Lowe’s.

I had no reason to go there. I’ve never had any real reason to go there on my own volition because I am not Tim “The Toolman” Taylor. But I went this weekend. I don’t know why, but I did.

Maybe it was out of curiosity. Maybe it was just because I happened to be in the area. Maybe I was drawn there by an unseen force, like a magnet does a paperclip.

Maybe it was all of those things and more.

When I walked inside, I was immediately struck by the omnipresent scent of lumber. Keep in mind that when I say that I was “struck,” I genuinely mean it was as if I had been slapped in the face with a 2x4.

It was oddly comforting. I never felt that way about the smell of wood before. It always reminded me of getting a splinter. But on that day, it reminded me of home.

I wandered around the store’s aisles and tried not to look all the way up the sky high shelves of tools, mulch, and other home improvement necessities out of fear that I would suddenly fall victim to vertigo. I had no mission. I was just there to be there.

After assuring what felt like the 100th sales associate that I was finding everything alright, I ended up in the lawn care aisle. That’s when I remembered about the growing clusters of leaves that were slowly accumulating on the front porch.

I hate when that happens, but it’s Fall, so what is there that I can really do besides accept that leaves exist and bust out the broom to sweep them up?

Then I thought about it for a moment and ultimately asked myself, Why would I use a broom when we have technology? So I bought a leaf blower. I’ll remind you again that I did not intend to buy a leaf blower that day. It just happened.

I walked out of the store and got into my car, satisfied with my purchase. Before I could drive off, a slight sense of dread suddenly crept over my shoulders and made its way down my spine. The gravity of the series of events I had just experienced suddenly started to weigh on me. The fact that I was randomly drawn to a home improvement store, kind of enjoyed it, and made a purchase can only mean one thing:

I’m washed.

To be fair, I should have seen this coming. All of the signs had been present in my life for so long up to that point. Like the fact that I wear New Balances for comfort and because they’re wide enough to fit my feet, not for fashion. Or the fact that I have a PBS streaming subscription solely so I can watch British mysteries. Maybe my affinity for butter pecan ice cream should have tipped me off.

I dunno. What I can say is that I guess this is my life now. I am a washed individual.

If you see me at Lowe’s, buying random things and actively comparing prices, have pity.